


Is Anybody Home?

by jb_slasher



Series: Touch Me So I Think I'm Here [2]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Break Up, M/M, Team Finland
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-08-13
Updated: 2004-08-13
Packaged: 2017-11-10 05:39:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/462790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jb_slasher/pseuds/jb_slasher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teemu loses Tuukka. (a "Touch Me So I Think I'm Here" interlude)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is Anybody Home?

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: contains mention of cutting.

He's not concentrating at all and he's not even sure what's distracting him but he's not saving at all and soon his teammates are going to start wondering if he's having a bad day or a nervous breakdown. The defense doesn't seem to be helping at the moment and everything's fucked since he's already let three goals past him. If he could just keep it together until the period ends, then they'd replace him with Karjalainen. And it's fucking humiliating since it's only the first period, but somehow, he can't bring himself to care too much. He's got other things in mind, which shouldn't be so important anymore. Hockey is what he's good at - keeping the goal clean, that is - and now that's been ruined for him too because he can't stop thinking about Tuukka.

_____

"I love you." His voice is hoarse and his words hollow. They lack feeling, meaning after so many years now, and he knows it, could scream because the lacking is so wrong. After so many years of saying those words, he's exhausted and he can't convince people to believe him anymore. And it's all because whatever he wanted to believe got hold of him and he went with it. And he needs a smoke real bad now, but his pack's empty and, in general, this is a lousy fucking day.

_____

It's raining and he's stopped crying. He's cold, he'll probably freeze to death or something and what he wants or needs is something indescribable and impossible and all it really was has become an obsession, an addiction even if he hasn't felt it for a while now. It's something that makes him go day after day, waiting for it to happen again, hoping so hard his brain hurts from all the scenario sketching he's done. But nothing's happened yet, and he doesn't know how long he can go on with just hope.

_____

He hovers around the house and he's not sure if anyone's home but he really doesn't even care and he's so confused. He feels like a part of him is really missing. He just realized that people really are born with only half a soul, that finding the other half is the purpose of life, and most people have just abandoned that purpose and found their own. He knows he shouldn't be thinking about drinking because right now he could seriously use a drink and the more he thinks about it, the more he wishes there was booze in the house. He never admitted to anyone that he was an alcoholic and of course he is, why else would he be telling himself to stop thinking about drinking? And it's not easy because he's lived his whole life from one addiction to another. Tuukka was one at some point and he wants, needs Tuukka back because Tuukka is the one addiction to this point that he's actually liked, _loved_. This time he's having trouble following any AA instructions. A beer, tequila, whiskey, anything, even cider. But the house is void of alcohol and maybe he'll get back to cutting, or smoking. Or maybe he should just call Tuukka since he's really the cause of Teemu's problem and this whole mess.

_____

"Your words are still hollow," he says into the receiver and hangs up on Teemu Lassila. The selfish bastard really thought he'd come back after Teemu's little outburst. So, to someone else it might mean absolutely squat, but hearing your lover advise and mock you... If Teemu hadn't been dumping him, he would've been doing the dumping. Except Teemu would never have said those words in any other situation, which made Tuukka feel a bit better about himself. Just another one to add to the list of poor excuses Teemu had used during their short relationship. Though it was so short that Tuukka would have called it a thing rather than an actual relationship.


End file.
